Somewhere along the chart line I got stuck. I was not stuck in a physical way; I made all those marks and maybe a bit over them. No, I was stuck along the emotional development scale. I have done YEARS of self exploration, reading books, sitting through individual therapy, group therapy, support groups….do not even ask me about the silent retreat I went on!! I journeyed through all of this trying to uncover what “wall” it was that I hit the blocked my development and why the makeup of this wall seemed never to be penetrated.
Many years ago I traveled overseas to do mission work with an organization that sent teams of teenager all over the world to complete various projects. Before the teams were permitted to go off and make the world a better place they first had to learn how to be a team. Every person traveled to the hot humid swamp area of Eastern Florida with minimal possessions and a combination of in trepidation but exuberating expectations of what the summer would hold. They would spend about the next ten days in primitive conditions becoming a unit.
I could write books about the adventures of this place literally called boot camp. However, it was the 5:30am call to the obstacle course that my current situation parallels. The team would line up at the starting line when daylight maybe was just breaking. The whistle would blow and off we went sprinting towards a number of challenges and obstacles we needed to successfully accomplish in a certain amount of time or else we would be doing it all over again during free time.
There were many pieces to this course, but the last obstacle is the one I remember well. It was “THE WALL”. Every team member was to scale this ten foot wall. Each wall was given a name like fear or doubt. As a team we had to figure how to get over that wall. The strongest members of the team could be hoisted to the top edge of the wall and they would pull themselves up to the wall and sit straddle and position themselves to be the anchors of the weaker members. One by one with the stronger people on top of the wall reaching down to help the next team member up and a host of team members below with arms stretched up helping to push or be prepared to catch a person if they were to fall, each team member would successfully make it over the wall.
As I face my “today” wall, my broken emotional scale…I think and wonder if there is a “team” in my world to help me scale, go around or what I would love to do is break the wall. Are there people in my world who are the stronger ones who have possibly already been able to scale this wall, either on their own or with a little push from a friend? Are there people below me ready to help me push myself up this wall or even possibly catch me if I fall? These walls we face, are they to be a team effort or is this exercise really about me putting the pieces together to create a ladder in which for me to use to get over the wall? The only way to find out is to take that first step….with or without the cheers.
