Last night I received a call from one of the coaches I work with. He wanted to let me know that another one of our coaches was in a car accident and was killed. I sat there stunned as I heard the voice and the words coming out of the other end of the phone. Coach Matt, the coach that every girl on his team and now a part of mine adored. He's gone....in an instant; leaving behind his wife, four children and a team of girls who he greatly impacted. I didn't know his wife or his children, so my thoughts and my pain immediately went to my team of girls. The girls who I didn't know just two months ago, but the girls who my heart has expanded to not only tolerate but to truly care and love. How could this happen? How can someone so young, so alive, be gone?
As I walked numbly around my house I only had to think back just a few weeks ago to an image of lighted pink balloons being launched into the dark night sky. Those balloons fulfilled a mother's birthday promise to her daughter just weeks prior. However, her daugther was not there to see this magnificant light display, for just days before her 6th birthday she lost her life to brain cancer. How can such an innocent child lose a life so soon?
I then began to think personally. I thought about the past weeks discussions of dividing assets and breaking apart my "family" for our "home" is no longer that, but instead a residence of four individuals. The tears, the anger, the pain; at times it seems unbearable. How did this happen?
My life seems to spin out of control and shattering before my eyes and along with it my value and worth seem to disappear as each circumstance unfolds. Death, divorce, disease, disappointment and distruction all around. How can this be? So many pieces but none that seem to fit together. The jagged edges cut and create pain. The wounds hemmorage and flow unceasingly. Every where I turn there's despair. How will it end? Does it end? Will there be healing? Am I unable to control any of it?
We live in a fallen world and with that comes hurt and pain. The way the world is; it's not how it was intended to be. But we as humans created situations and circumstances that have evolved into a world with challenges, losses and even dispair. Can we do anything to make it better? Yes! Yes, we can. I remember being criticized for wanting to "save the world". I was told I wouldn't be able to. It is true, I may not be able to save the WORLD, but I can make one person's world a little better.
In my man made hole of pity that I often find myself drowning in, I am able to come up for air from time to time. One of those times was Sunday night when I was asked to bring some of my soccer team to a haunted hayride. Not really one of my favorite things to do, but none the less I agreed wanting to please my team and my daugther. The ten of us piled into the hay filled wagon and off we went into the dark of the night with sights of flashing fire and sounds of screams in the distance. For some reason I felt the need to be strong and confident. I wasn't trying to be a killjoy, I just knew it was what was needed. All of the sudden an unfamiliar hand grabbed mine and I felt the individual fingers of someone lace through mine. I heard a whisper, "Please hold my hand". Two minutes later I had three other girls in my lap, one being my daughter. On my other side I had another little girl buried in my lap and another coach nuzzled into my ribs under my arm. Another whipser came through my ear, "I love you mom, you are awesome". All of the sudden this coach became hero, not because we won our game that day, but because I was there when they needed me. I don't get paid. I don't have an office. I don't have a worthy title and more days than not I hear complaints or "concerns" from parents about their child's play...but at that moment...I was saving their world. I was there
In the aftermath of losing Coach Matt, it is very clear the positive impact we can make in a person's life, if we choose to. It does not take much to do so. The ways of the world will not change, but how we impact them certainly can. How we respond to the circumstances of our day can bring hope and healing. Tomorrow my girls will need me again. Not as coach, but as a hand holder as they say goodbye to a man who poured into their lives passion, love of soccer and belief in each of them. In the moment of their dispair and pain, I will be there. I won't be "saving" their world, but I will be making a difference in it.
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